Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I thought I should write you a letter while you are sleeping in the hospital. When you wake up you might want to know what's been going on while the world has been going by. I heard you winked at Britny today. I bet that made her day! I am really sad I cannot be there to sit by your side and hold your hand or read you a book or just tell you that I love you, so I just hope you know we love you so much and we are praying so hard for you.

This morning Kris told Rex he needed to go brush his teeth for church and Rex says, "Dad, are you Jesus?" Kris replied, "No, I'm not Jesus." (with Kris' facial hair you can see where this question may have come from) "Dad, does Jesus brush his teeth?" "Well, yes I think Jesus brushes his teeth." Rex-"He DOES?" (Rex has this way of putting great emphasis on the last word he says, especially when he's asking a question like he DOES?, you ARE?, it IS? It's very, very cute and funny) Kris- "Yes, I think Jesus does things to stay healthy." Rex- "OH" (with great interest and emphasis). I thought you would get a kick out of this story. Rex really loves to go to church, he loves his nursery class and he looked so handsome with his hair combed so cute and he does this thing where he shoves his little hands in his pockets, it's adorable. Even more so now that he wears underwear and doesn't have that bulky diaper, his pants just slide right off his tiny, little bum.

I think Sacrament meeting was just for me today. We had fast and testimony meeting and I felt each person speaking to my heart. One guy spoke of the plan of salvation and eternal families, another girl spoke of learning from our trials and finding strength in them and drawing closer to our Savior, another spoke on happiness and how even though we may be going through hard times right now we need to look for the good in life and be happy. Every time someone else would get up and speak I found myself being amazed at how wonderful it was. Maybe I am just listening a little more closely than I would have been normally or maybe it was an answer to my prayers. Anyway, it was very uplifting, I think you would have enjoyed it.

I'm wondering what it is like for you? Are you just sleeping or are you visiting people in heaven? Can you hear everything that is going on around you and yet you are just too tired or weak to wake up? I know you respond sometimes and that is great, it gives everyone hope and helps us all to know that you are in there, fighting. Maybe you just need this time to heal, to get better and that's ok. We understand. It doesn't make it any easier. It would just be so much better to have you awake and talking to us again so that we can know you are ok, but we know that it won't be long and we can be patient, especially if it means that we will get you back.

My heart aches for Dad. I know this must be hardest on him. As hard as it is for any of us kids it must be a million times harder for him. You are his world, we all know this. And I think he thinks he needs to be strong for us, but we need to be strong for him. He is being so strong. He loves you so much.

I want to thank you for being the wonderful mother that you are. You understand me so well. I know I can always count on you being so excited to have more grandkids and knowing what it's like to raise a big family. You have never judged me and you have always been supportive. You are the one person I know who gets it, who gets what it's like to be me. You know what it's like to do 3, 4 or 5 loads of laundry a day. To be the referee of kids arguing. To be the chauffeur. I love you because you have shown my husband so much love and acceptance, it means the world to me.

I'm learning a lot through this trial. How important it is to make each day count. It seems so trite and yet it is so true. I want to be more patient with my children and Kris. I want them to feel loved every minute. I'm leaning more on my Heavenly Father. I'm trying not to complain. Our dishwasher is broken (again, ugh!) and yet I am finding solace in the mundane task of hand washing the dishes, the warm water, the bubbles, the rinsing, the clean dishes. I am finding it all comforting. Maybe I am just finding comfort in the routine. I have not been complaining about it at all. Well, I guess it could be the fact that this time it is not summertime so I don't have twice as many dishes since Matthew and Gracie are in school. Oh, and the fact that I'm not eight months pregnant (I guess these COULD be affecting it:-). I'm trying to just find joy in all the little things, I'm trying to be happy because I know that you would want us to be happy, even though we are sad.

When I was feeding Colby tonight I was thinking about you singing "I lived in Heaven a long time ago it is true" as you were holding him when we were down there. I can hear your beautiful voice in my mind. You said that he was smiling so big and singing with you. I love those sweet memories and I was so glad to be able to get to spend that time with you. I'm always so happy when we get to visit you, you make life so much sweeter. Hang in there, Mom. Keep fighting. Come home soon, we have more memories to make.

I love you,

Eliza